Red Sonja, 1984

STARRING: Brigitte Nielsen (Red Sonja)

Nielsen made her debut in this sword and sorcery adventure. She had previously worked as a top model in Europe. Nielsen went on to bigger things when she moved to Hollywood and married Sylvester Stallone with whom she co-starred in Rocky IV and Cobra. However, she is perhaps best known for her role in Beverley Hills Cop 2. Her career dwindled after these roles and she starred in lesser and lesser movies until she rejuvenated her career by starring in a whole host of reality TV series’. In 2004 she came third in Celebrity Big Brother 3 in the UK. She has also recorded several albums and some dance singles.

Sandahl Bergman (Queen Gedren)

Bergman is best known for her role in Conan The Barbarian. Originally a dancer, she continued to work in b-movies until the late 1990’s.

And Arnold Schwarzenegger (Kalidor)

Arnie made this movie as part of an agreement he had two the producers to make this and Conan The Destroyer. He is apparently thoroughly ashamed of it and considers it the worst of all of his movies.

With Paul L. Smith (Falkon) and Ernie Reyes Jr. (Prince Tarn).

PLOT: Red Sonja’s village is burned to the ground by the evil Queen Gedren who wants to take the young woman as a sex slave. Sonja is horrified and fights back and manages to escape. Sometime later Gedren steals an all powerful talisman from a convent of nuns one of which is Sonja’s sister who is murdered. Sonja vows to take revenge and stop the evil queen and put and end to her plans for world domination.

Violence, no sex, some minor nudity, no language.

THOUGHTS: Panned upon its release, Red Sonja has developed a following having been a staple on television for many years. It is fair to say that Nielsen and Arnie make a double act from hell, their thick European accents and obvious lack of acting ability make this a riot! Nielsen’s idea of putting passion into her performance is to squint her eyes and deliver her lines with more bombast and clumsiness than usual. Arnie thankfully has very few lines in his supporting role.

Apparently Sandahl Bergman was offered the title role but she chose to take the role of Gedren instead. I think she does a great job and the fight scene between her and Nielsen is great. I think the locations look very effective too. I can’t end this review without mentioning the annoying little Prince Tarn! Red Sonja should’ve left him on that log! I also have to air my disgust at the proposed remake that is mentioned on IMDB. What an awful idea! I think the movie is a real gem and has tremendous re-watch potential. Who can resist lines like "I know my future, you have none!", which Sonja quips in one scene when she is confronted by a sleazy gatekeeper! Say no to remakes!!!

CAN I BUY IT? Yes, on DVD.